Amelia on "This is how swinger life works"

"That's why we love to sleep with others"

The swinger life is a sexual folk movement, where all the focus is on pleasure. But who are swinging? How does it work? And how does it really feel to see your partner sleeping with someone else? amelia has taken a deep dive into Swedish swinger culture.

"Sometimes we have sex with other couples or several men"

Group sex, friendship and prejudice. Two women talk about their lives as swingers. "It's a lifestyle," says Marika.

The swingers movement is described as broad and inclusive - different social classes and professional groups come together here. But it is also a secret culture. The fact that you enjoy sleeping with someone other than your partner is still taboo. Marika , 30, lives the traditional family life in a villa outside Västerås. She lives here with her partner Jens , 40, and their four children. She is a dentist, a mother of small children – and a swinger.

- We are completely open about this. I want to contribute to washing away all the prejudices that exist. Many people think that swingers are shady people who smell bad, that we are ugly. But swingers come in all colors, shapes, lengths and sizes, says Marika.

There are no statistics on how many people define themselves as swingers in Sweden, but it is about a whole popular movement that meets regularly at clubs, parties and hotel rooms or at each other's homes.

- It is very common. I would probably like to say that every single bachelor devotes himself to this, says Marika.

How did you become part of the swinger culture?

- Jens had the interest from before, and already the first time we met, he told us about it. He said we could test if I was curious. My first thought was "Oh, that came a bit suddenly" but my second thought was that I wanted to. I've always been curious about myself.

Marika was nervous before the first sex date, which was with Jens and another girl ("I had wanted to pour myself a bottle of wine before"), but afterwards she knew she had found her thing.

- It was the most fun I've ever done, and that was just the beginning.

Since that first meeting, Marika has spent a lot of time exploring her sexuality with other liberated people.

- But Jens and I live an ordinary life with four children, a house and a full-time job. How often we swing depends on how life looks in general. Sometimes it happens several times a month and sometimes nothing happens, then we are just with each other.

Ideally, they go to the club Adam and Eva in Norrköping. It is one of the country's largest member clubs for partner exchange. Primarily couples are welcome, but selected singles may also join. There are playrooms, dance floors, bars and a hot tub.

- We go to Adam and Eva on average every two months. Many agree that it is the best place in Sweden. The first time I was there, I was like a child in a candy store, says Marika.

Meeting partners outside the walls of the clubs is not a problem.

- You establish a new network and then it just rolls on. We've actually gotten several old friends to start as well.

Marika has become good at reading who might want to come home with her when she's out partying.

- You can almost smell it. I notice that girls who are interested go about it in a different way. I'm quite physical, and like to put a hand on whoever I'm talking to or dancing with. If the girl backs off, I understand that she is not interested, but if she wants to stay, I try my hand.

Do you have any particular preferences?

- I like almost everything. We meet couples, girls and boys. Sometimes we have sex with another couple, sometimes there are three more couples, or three extra guys. It depends on what you are in the mood for at the moment.

Marika and Jens often spend time with their swinger friends outside the bedroom or the club.

- We have met so many fantastic people. Sometimes we have dinner together with the children and the next weekend we go to a swingers club together. The sex almost always gets better after a few times. Everyone knows that the first time is rarely the best. You have to be patient - the most important thing for us is that you click as people.

How do you think about security?

- Using protection is a matter of course, it really is A and O. Condoms are everywhere in the clubs and are used by everyone. No one disputes that.

Can everyone lie down?

- Yes, everyone likes different types, so there really is something for everyone. It may not be entirely certain that you will find someone you want to have sex with all the time, but as a single girl it is a thousand times easier to meet someone than as a single guy.

What kind of sex is most common?

- Some just want to have sex with their partner while others watch, without sleeping with others. Some want 15 guys, some want a whip... Sometimes you end up in a big snake pit. And sometimes you just hang out together, naked or clothed.

Marika has lived out many fantasies during her years as a swinger.

- I've tried a lot that I haven't tried before, like having sex with several people at the same time and different ways of giving and receiving oral sex... I've been alone with one girl and I've been with eight guys.

When Amelia talks to swinger Sofie (whose real name is something else), 44, from Eskilstuna, she describes it as a free zone.

- I think it's weirder to only have sex with one and the same person for 20 years than to sleep with others sometimes, says Sofie.

- Being with the same guy year after year feels like saying no to so much excitement. That, if anything, is unnatural, isn't it?

Together with her husband, Sofie has met other couples over the years.

- We started with this when the toddler years were over, then we hadn't had sex for almost two years. Now we have an exciting sex life and a lot to talk about.

But of course it can also be difficult.

- Well, sometimes it hurts a little to see him enjoying himself with someone else, but it's worth it. Last time I tried "gang bang", it's the coolest thing I've experienced, says Sofie.

Marika and Jens have also experienced that feelings rub a little, even if it is unusual.

- It can happen when you feel that you were not allowed to participate enough in the sex. If so, we'll talk about it afterwards. We talk a lot about everything, says Marika.

What happens if you click a little too much with someone else?

- It's clear that it can happen, but it won't happen if you're not set up to meet someone. Only sex applies.

Marika and Jens have visited clubs in Germany, Poland and Denmark. The dream is to go to the nature resort of Cap d'Agde on the French Riviera. Many swingers are attracted here for hedonistic sex parties and partner swapping.

- This is really a lifestyle, says Marika.