Swingers club-How does it work?
How do you get into a swingers club? How can the first visit be?
What are the rules at swingers clubs? Is there a dress code?
How do you get in touch with others at the club? Do you have to have sex with others at a swingers club?
What if I meet someone I know!
What is it like to be at a swingers club?
How do you get into a swingers club?
Who, or who, gets admission to a swingers club looks different for different clubs. In addition, it depends on whether you want to go there as a single man, a single woman or as a couple and it can be different depending on whether the club has a theme night.
It is therefore a must to surf to the club's website and check how it looks for you, at that particular club and that night. If you are unsure, you should contact the owner or hosts and ask.
At some clubs you apply for membership via website, other clubs want you to be recommended by other members. Generally speaking, it's easier for single girls and couples than for single men, but it varies.
How can the first visit be?
The first time you go to a club you are often super nervous, but you can be calm, everyone in the club knows you are nervous and other guests will try to make you feel welcome. You usually get a tour of the premises from a host or owner if you want it. I've probably never seen newcomers left completely to their own devices, but you may have to be prepared to switch on some social skills to make things easier for yourself.
If you want, you can write in a guest book on the club's website, or check ads on, for example, Bodycontact, about others who are going there. Many make contact in advance with questions and some would like to see each other a while before and go to the club together. We know many people who know each other from before who, for example, go out to eat together before the club visit. It can feel safe to go to the club together with someone. Seeing each other in advance does not mean that you expect to have sex later in the evening. Some people probably have that as a wish, but you always have the right to say no.
My firm opinion is that you should not expect miracles and sky-rocketing orgies on the first visit! I think it's better to go there, feel the situation, mingle as much as you dare and just be. If it happens more, it's a bonus. The best games often come instead when you have more experience and feel safe in the environment. There are no requirements or expectations that you should participate in sex whether you go there alone or as a couple.
Are there rules at swingers clubs?
Yes, there are some general unwritten rules:
- A no is a no and always means no
- You don't reveal who you've met at the club
- Alcohol is often sold, but drunkenness is not accepted
- Closed door means access prohibited
- A rope in the doorway means you can look but not enter
- Everyone shows respect for what you see and those you meet
What to wear?
If the swingers club has a dress code for the evening, you must of course follow it. Dress codes may exist, for example, if the club has a themed evening, but otherwise there are rarely major requirements for attire.
You often come to the club in fairly ordinary clothes, such as jeans or a skirt and a shirt or sweater. If you want, you can keep your clothes on all evening, but most people take off their underwear.
You might like to choose slightly nicer underwear that is sexy.
Some completely skip clothes and go naked, or wrapped in a towel. The longer the evening drags on, the more undressed it tends to be.
How are contacts made for sex at the swingers club?
They are different. Often someone starts with general small talk and asks if we are regular club goers and what we are looking for. Sometimes you get a direct question: Do you want to come with us to a room? Then you need to be prepared to answer Yes or No. You can think of a good line that you can divert with if you feel unsure or want to say no. No one takes offense if you refuse, but it feels better if you can decline with a nice reply than just a No.
Of course, some are subtle and then the signals can be difficult to perceive, I think. It can be about eye contact or small movements. You have to try to be sensitive and remember that most people who are there usually want to have sex with others.
If you have open sex, it happens that others approach the bed (or wherever you are staying) because they want to join in the fun. Usually one of us sees it and either shakes our head or nods, depending on whether we want company or not.
At some point we've had someone sit on the edge of the bed and try to caress me while we're having sex, without checking with us first. Then I just took his hand away and said we wanted to be alone.
When you have said yes to sex with others, you often talk a little about whether you have something you don't want. For example, couples may just want to have sex next to each other, or with more or less interaction between the couples.
If you don't talk in advance, you have to be more sensitive to what is ok, but it usually works itself out later.
Do you have to have sex with others?
No! You don't have to, and no one thinks you're weird if you don't want to participate.
Many like to "just" watch and some choose to stick to each other as a couple.
What if I meet someone I know!
Yes, it's a risk you take. But if it happens, it's there for the same reason as you, and it's an unwritten rule that you don't talk about who you met at a club.
I had that concern in the beginning, so we chose to go to a club in another city. So far we haven't met anyone we know outside of the club world.
How is it then, to be at a club?
It's a sexy and inviting atmosphere.
It gives a kick to the sex life and creates shared intimate memories that we can go back to and fantasize about.
It has given me greater self-confidence about my body. As a woman, I worried a lot about fitting in and being pretty enough and thought that probably only girls with photo model bodies went clubbing. My middle aged aunt body definitely has no photo model features to speak of…. But the more we go clubbing, the more I realize how little appearance matters there.